ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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