Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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