She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
