Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
