haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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