my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
