Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
