i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
