I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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