My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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