those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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