I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I AM VODKA MAN
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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