All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
