Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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