they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
