This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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