Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
