I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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