Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize