First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
