i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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