So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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