woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
