My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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