Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
