HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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