last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
