How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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