you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You made out with two different species that night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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