Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
