im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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