so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
