I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
two words...techno handjob
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
