Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
