I think my vagina is haunted
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
