I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
