I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
