it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
