the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
