Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
