you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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