I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
