I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
