but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
