how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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