Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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