the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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