My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he shaved USA in his pubs
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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