the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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