It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
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He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.