You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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