Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
