Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
