I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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