remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
