I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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