help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just google imaged poop.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize