I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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